I am writing today as part of the Love Yourself Linkup--an ongoing series that will focus on topics such as self image and body image. Writers, bloggers, and women alike will talk about our thoughts on these subjects, tell stories of our personal experience, share what has inspired us, challenged us, and more. Learn more over at Ann the Adventurer. You can read my thoughts from last week here. And join the conversation by clicking "click to enter" below.
As a woman, its no mystery that I've been where gossip made itself known. Both as the gossiper and the gossipee. "Here I am! Idle talk!" I wish it screamed. "Words that break, and hurt, and slander," I wish it hummed. What is it about gossip? Why does it, in the moment, seem to make women feel so connected and 'important' and 'lofty' when they talk about someone, or share something personal about 'her' that has nothing to do with them personally. And why is it that many of us have become so passive in holding others above reproach? Why don't we make a stance against this idle talk, this breaking speech, this hurtful and terrible thing called gossip.
Making itself very present in junior high, I first learned what gossip does to groups of friends, and how it effects self worth. In 8th grade, my 20 classmates and myself were set to vote for "class favorites". Now why a class of 20 would be told to do such a thing for the yearbook, with only a few categories to vote, is beyond me. Thirteen and fourteen year olds voting for those they thought were the best at something and had the best of something. Best eyes, most athletic, class clown, most likely to succeed, best hair. Crazy, right? How damaging this 8th grade tradition really was in regards to self esteem and body image. As you can imagine, when it came to the girl classmates, this was the most hurtful experience I had ever witnessed up to this point in my young life. Gossip unleashed, lies tangled, and deep feelings of self worth were either elevated or kicked, all because of a vote and a category. At the time, these 20 kids were my world. They were my peer group. We could not see beyond 8th grade. And whoever was voted "best eyes" and "most likely to succeed"--boastfully, this was ingrained that they not only won the vote, but that this category defined them. And those not voted the "favorite"--heartborken, it was ingrained that this did not define them.
Although voting for class favorites does not present itself like it did now at age 27, gossip still makes itself known as a way to make us feel "better than" or "the best at" by slyly sneaking into conversation. If even more so, slander and idle talk have become more refined, less noticeable, and even more cutting in adulthood. It still makes its mark on self worth and body image. And its not as easy to just say "I"m going to tell on you" like it did years ago.
Now at 27, I would rather find out I did not win the "Best Hair" category than to walk into a conversation where I hear someone knocking my character, untruthfully. I would rather get second runner up to "most likely to succeed" than to overhear someone hurtfully joke about something I said. I would rather find a junior high note mocking my outfit than find out my personal situation was being shared with a third party. And I would rather have deep and meaningful conversation with the very person across from me than to waste air and breath talking aimlessly about another.
To truly live in a way that we love ourselves and love others, we have to stop this false impression maker, this crooked word implanter, this truth stealer and friendship breaker. We have to stop gossip in its tracks. We have to start loving ourselves by holding our heart and tongue above reproach. We need to love others better by speaking words that build others up and make those we are talking about them to want to know and love them too--and humble ourselves in the process. We need to stop trying to be "better than" and "the best at" because life is not a competition. We are not voting. We all have our very own category that we fit perfectly in, each a favorite, and we don't get to choose. Our creator does. There are rough edges and shiny lovely parts that look different from those of the person next to us.
So let's stop this thing called gossip.
Let's
mindfully pay attention to our hearts and the words of others, and really think before we speak. Because honestly, is it not worth it?
photo via vogue-enfants
A few weekends ago we meandered through the Valverde Bazaar Outdoor Market in South Denver. I shared about the scrap metal and rusty letters we stumbled on at the market already (specifically that metal ampersand that was just so tempting!). There were so many more amazing finds at the market and within the huge warehouse-- the most ornate and eye catching were the lofty doors and windows all around the exterior of the warehouse. There was a sense of history and wonder as I took in the beauty of these doors. And although no longer hinged to an entrance, I still longed to know the story these doors could tell. 
